[ { "joke":"Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now." }, { "joke":"I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down." }, { "joke":"I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me." }, { "joke":"I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy." }, { "joke":"My friend's bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast." }, { "joke":"Why did the cookie cry? It was feeling crumby." }, { "joke":"I used to be a banker, but I lost interest." }, { "joke":"A drum and a symbol fall off a cliff" }, { "joke":"Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because they aren't bay-gulls!" }, { "joke":"Why did the fireman wear red, white, and blue suspenders? To hold his pants up." }, { "joke":"Why didn't the crab share his food? Because crabs are territorial animals, that don't share anything." }, { "joke":"Why was the javascript developer sad? Because he didn't Node how to Express himself." }, { "joke":"What do I look like? A JOKE MACHINE!?" }, { "joke":"How did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth? He ate the pizza before it was cool." }, { "joke":"Why is it hard to make puns for kleptomaniacs? They are always taking things literally." }, { "joke":"I'm not a humorless, cold hearted, machine. I have feelings you know... or was supposed to." }, { "joke":"Two fish in a tank. One looks to the other and says 'Can you even drive this thing???'" }, { "joke":"Two fish swim down a river, and hit a wall. One says: 'Dam!'" }, { "joke":"What's funnier than a monkey dancing with an elephant? Two monkeys dancing with an elephant." }, { "joke":"How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for Christmas? He felt his presents." }, { "joke":"What's red and bad for your teeth? A Brick." }, { "joke":"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A Carrot." }, { "joke":"What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef" }, { "joke":"Two guys walk into a bar. You'd think the second one would have noticed." }, { "joke":"What is a centipedes's favorite Beatle song? I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand..." }, { "joke":"What do you call a chicken crossing the road? Poultry in moton. " }, { "joke":"What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta" }, { "joke":"How many tickles does it take to tickle an octupus? Ten-tickles!" } ]